your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
