im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
