Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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