Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
