omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
