If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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