Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
