I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
