Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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