I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
