I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
