if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
