dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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