Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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