what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
