Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
