So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
