some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
