Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
