Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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