I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
