In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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