Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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