im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
