Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We left the knife in your bed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
