I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
