Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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