We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
