is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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