Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
