Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I love you. Go after that dick
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
