who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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