He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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