i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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