Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
