We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
