btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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