now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
