she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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