im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
