We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
