so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm really busy with my period
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