They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
