Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? đđ
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
Randomize
