I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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