I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
