I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize