God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
