tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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