at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
