Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
