I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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