I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
