As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
