did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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