i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
