Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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