I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
