we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
