Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
