Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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