I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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