just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
