i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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