Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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