Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
