Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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