my vag is so smooth its legendary
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
