so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
