There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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